Saturday, August 25, 2012

Stamped and Signed, dumbest city ever

What we thought was a quaint little park, turned out to be a domestic violence haven and breeding ground for conniving and thieving jerk-children. While little children simultaneously asked for money and laughed at us, blatently making fun of us in a language we could not understand, we witnessed a woman running as fast as her high-heels would allow toward us. About 75 feet from us, her beer-bellied husband caught her by the arm, slapping her in the face and pushing her back in the direction she came from. This back and forth of running away, followed by violence, yelling, and being led back went on for sometime, until it resulted in all park patrons running towards the sound of a slamming car door. We couldn't see what happened, but the woman was freed and the man took off in a run of sorts, well the best run his belly could muster toward us and the main road. Police slowly made their way in his tracks, but by the time they hit the street found themselves distracted by jokes and friendly slaps on the back by the male witnesses.

We took this as an omen, and decided to spend the extra money by calling our host instead of continuing to wait for his text message. As it turned out, our host was not quite aware of how couchsurfing worked and was not actually in town and could no longer host us, but might be back the next day.

Strike two Vanadzor.

While trying to leave Vanadzor, we experienced cat-calls, whistles, car honks, and yelling by literally every car and man that passed us. I didn't count, but I would estimate that on our 20 minute walk (at 7am) we were honked at 30 times, and given kissy-faces at least 20. To rub salt in the wound, when we arrived at the bus station (30 minutes early) there was only one space left, on the only bus for the day – I shrugged my shoulders and said to McNabb, well I'll see you in across the border then.

Kidding! I would never leave my glamorous ginger behind! We then started the negotiations with drivers to get to the border (in our pathetic Russian, mind you). We got a decent price and headed out. Driving along canyon cliffs, at high speeds, with a cigarette, our driver also decided to make numerous phone calls – all of which seemed to be about “Alaverdi” a town just ahead....once we reached said town our driver tried the ignition (although the car was already on) pulled over and said the car was having a small problem. He popped the hood, took out a screw-driver, and I unbeknownst to him watched as he simply tapped on things to create noise as if he were fixing it. We were still a good 50 kilometers from the border, but he so generously called a taxi friend of his to come pick us up.

To shorten this ridiculously and unnecessarily drawn out border crossing process, We paid only the originally agreed upon price, did not fall for the taxi driver lies of there not being any buses to cross the border, and simply walked ourselves across Armenia and into Georgia. The clouds parted immediately as we walked towards the border crossing, greeting us with a lovely and most pleasant border guard, and a super kind man who offered to drive us to the capital (albeit a frightening drive, due to McNabb's ginger beauty distracting him in the front seat).

In the end, we defeated the villain known as Vanadzor, but it has left a dark scar on our Armenian memories, and will henceforth always be known as the world's worst city.

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